Remember the time we thought we’d go to Mexico?

previously posted on Waking Up Williams.  If LCW isn’t on your blogroll, or in your reader, she should be.  Go.  Find out  But come back.   

Many of my phone calls and texts with a close friend begin with “does it make me a bad mom if…”  Case in point:  Last summer, I was seven months pregnant when Craig told me that two of our friends were engaged and planning a destination wedding.  “When will it be?” I asked. He shrugged, “not sure, probably next summer.”  I looked at my belly and thought… hm..  next summer.  Next summer there will be a baby here.  Next summer I will be a mother.  But I will still be the chick that likes to travel.  With her husband.  To tropical sunny locations. I was intrigued. A few weeks later we got the email telling us that the date was set for Memorial Day weekend and the destination was Riviera Maya.  Ooo la la.  We went to the Riviera Maya on our honeymoon and (minus the day we lost to food poisoning and a trip to a hospital in a foreign country) we had a great time. 

So, I text my friend and said, “does it make me a bad mom if before the child is born, I book a trip to Mexico that we’ll take when he or she is 8 months old?”  She said no and we decided I could still be a good mom from the sandy beaches of Mexico.  Craig and I talked about it for a few days.  Would we be able to leave?  Was it a responsible way to spend money now that our family was about to expand by one?  Who would keep the baby?  Would I miss my baby too much to be in a foreign country?

Nah, I decided.  It would be good for us to go.  I’ll be ok leaving the baby.  It’s only five days.  Financially, eh, it won’t be easy, but we’ll find a way.  And I kept thinking, “I still want to be me.  I mean I’ll still be the same person, just with an extra human hanging around.”

Fast forward to right before I delivered.  I called the travel agent and booked the trip.  I wanted to make sure that we were all set before the baby was born.  Folks, this was a priority.  We were going.  It was decided. 

… see where this is going?..

After the New Year, we got an email from the travel agent that our insurance money was due.  (After being sick in a foreign country, I will ALWAYS buy trip insurance.)  I double checked with Craig.  “You still want to go, right?”  “Yeah,” he said, “unless you don’t.”  I glanced in the backseat of the car at the sleeping baby and said, “Um, yeah. I still want to go, I think.”  So I sent in the insurance check. 

Then, early March arrives and final payment is due.  For us this means almost the entire payment is due because all I did was pay the $100 to save our seat on the plane and the $127 for trip insurance.  Final payment.  Once we pay this, we’re going.  So, Craig comes home and I say.  “Um, hon, we need to pay for Mexico.”  He looks at our daughter who is babbling and trying to roll over and says, “Yeah, I’d be OK not going.” 

Um, WHAT?  We talked about this.  We talked about it being important that we still take hot, sexy vacations and have date nights and happy hours.  We talked about still wanting to be the individuals and the couple we were before we had a kid.  Oh, but wait.  We talked about those things BEFORE we had a baby.  A baby who reaches for me when I come home from work.  A baby who looks for her daddy when she hears the garage door open.  A baby who has all sorts of milestones to achieve.  And what if, what if, we miss one when we’re in Mexico? 

So, I looked at him, looked at our little girl and smiled, “OK, I will call tomorrow and cancel.” 

Do we feel bad not going?  Yes.  We probably let our friends down.  Do we still need to take “Krista & Craig” time? Absolutely.  But are we the same people that we were six months ago, before we had a baby?  Nope, not even a little.  For now, our tropical vacations will be replaced with overnight trips while our daughter has a sleepover at her grandparents or family trips to aquariums and zoos.  Our happy hours will (sometimes, not always) be replaced by walks around the neighborhood.  Date nights are still important and we need to make a better effort at having a little bit of time alone.  But, five days?  In Mexico? When she is eight months old?  No. 

And if I had thought of that $227 ago, I could have had some new shoes.


One Response

  1. Oh my gosh, this SO sounds like The Husband and I!! I mean, just the other day he asked when I foresaw our next vacation being! When we first found out I was pregnant, he thought our long weekend with friends at a resort just 1 month after I gave birth would be feasible.

    But it’s not just him. I’ve been crossing my fingers that any friends who might get engaged would plan around my pregnancy (they have) and that my one friend who has always claimed to want a destination wedding will leave me plenty of time to lose the baby weight (she still isn’t engaged, so we’re still good to go there).

    The reality is, though, that long weekends away from our BABY — not our child, but our baby — are going to be highly unlikely once he arrives.

    Until parenthood slaps us in the face, though, I think we’ll continue living in denial. I’ll just be sure not to put down any non-refundable deposits 🙂

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